Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
