five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
