what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
