I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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