I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
