Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You made out with two different species that night
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
