I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
