it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
