It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
