Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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