Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
