i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
