My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
