yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
