I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's never too late to be topless.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
