Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
