R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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