watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
