Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
