Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
