Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
