And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
