garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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