My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
