Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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