So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
