I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
