"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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