when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
