You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
