how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
