I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
