she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
