I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
