Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
