dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
