I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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