Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
