You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
