you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
