using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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