I can't breathe out the right side of my face
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
