he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
