i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
