I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
