Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
