Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
