Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
