How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
