It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
