What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
