New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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