even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
